we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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