genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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