you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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