just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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