just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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