..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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