Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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