is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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