Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
