I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
