If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
