Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
