Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
