What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
