doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize