Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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