I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
