u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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