Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
