i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
