Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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