3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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