ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize