Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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