Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
