Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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