Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
