turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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