I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
