i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
