Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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