We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
