i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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