I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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