Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
