Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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