He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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