he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
