He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
