I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
