Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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