I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
