dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
