Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
