well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize