dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
