If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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