My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
