My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
