You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
