see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
