she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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