Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
