oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
