ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
