My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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