They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You made out with two different species that night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
