my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
