Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
