You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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