I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
