I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
