singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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