Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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