Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
