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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
His nipple licking is glorious
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