swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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