She is in my trunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
