So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
