Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
