Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
