Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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