your parents love me but you hate me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
