I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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