my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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