But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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