Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
