I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
